im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
