This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
