But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
