no, he came in my armpit
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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