Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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