Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
