I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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