70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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