I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
