Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
