remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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