he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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