yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wish you could order shots online.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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