did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
