There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
well I can't set my house on fire every night
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
