sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
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Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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