Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
