now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
