We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
