Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
