Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
