I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
