its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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