He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
