textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
