I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
