If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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