last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
