community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There's always time for handjobs
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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