what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
