been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
