Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
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