So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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