he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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