it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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