miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
