Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
