Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize