So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
