wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
