it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
