Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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