1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
