I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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