My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
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