Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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