Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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