Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
