Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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