cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize