whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
