I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
