True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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