I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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