Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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