i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
