dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
