Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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