Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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