And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
my liver is dry heaving
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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