You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
