Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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