i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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