@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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