well you can't waste a boner
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
there is puke in my bra ... again
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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