I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
