yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
