P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize