You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
