I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
